1. Do one thing at a time
2. Know the problem
3. Learn to listen
4. Learn to ask questions
5. Distinguish sense from nonsense
6. Accept change as inevitable
7. Admit mistakes
8. Say it simple
9. Be calm
10. Smile

So I'm finally away on one of my first planned vacations, and though I haven't really done much because my best friend is sick, it's great to get away from the stress of real life.

Thinking about the future is a scary thought, thinking about future love is even scarier..

Let's see what pans out.

I. I don't feel close to God anymore, and I can't say that I miss the feeling. I feel like I've been away so long, that I don't know anymore, maybe I'm like the prodigal son, but I can't say that I know that I've reached the point where I need to turn back and go home, perhaps this is a bad thing. I've gotten accustomed to the feeling of freedom, in the sense that I no longer feel guilty for what I do or don't do. But in the same vein, I don't care about alot either. I've gotten to a comfortably numb place, and I wonder what it will take for me to feel again.

II. I met someone great, but the fact that I've been hurt so much, the last person I thought I could love, turned his back on me, and now I'm defensive, closed off. I'm overindulgent with things that are not good for me, and I know I should stop. Love is truly one of the hardest risks, I feel like the idea of love has been something that I have spent so much time reflecting on, and now I run away in face of something that could possibly be real. Things plague me like whether I can make this into an ideal relationship that I can see myself in, and I only wish there were more time to realize that.

III. My academics last semester were a complete and utter mess for many reasons, despite the fact that I said I would not be taking on too much, looking back, I did way too much in terms of how ambitious I thought I could be. This just reminds me of high school, where something always suffered because I couldn't really give my attention to everything. I think this harks back to my perfectionist tendencies, I'd like to be that person who can balance work, love, play, family, and friendship effortlessly, it seems like everyone else is doing it, but then when I try, there are issues.

IV. This year, I will pour myself into the things and people that I love, but not entirely. I hope to achieve a balance between cultivating my sense of self and being an active agent in the world. I am going to tentatively attempt a 21 day purification from the unhealthy things in my life: some of which being, Facebook, pron, alcohol, unhealthy eating, caffeine, bad sleep habits, lack of faith, bad shopping habits, weird internet habits. Basically all the toxicity in my life, for once, and hopefully for a while.

V. My major goals for this year include, passing successfully, being a meaningful part of my student groups, graduating, saving up money, going on a memorable spring break, getting a great job.

VI. After college, I'd like to become a bigger part of my family, be in a relationship, be happy doing something I love, be able to see a bright future for myself.

1. A new camera, preferably high end and professional

-- I want to take more pictures to capture my last moments as a senior in college. I don't know why but I haven't been motivated to take many pictures since I was in Brazil.

2. A Nintendo DS Lite with the Kingdom Hearts Game

-- I have pretty much wanted this since it first came out, but my little sister got priority for getting one.

3. Forever 21 Gift Certificates

-- I've been dying to create wardrobe, and Forever 21 is the key to doing that!

4. Money for Spring Break 2010

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're not
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near...

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The more things change, the more they stay the same ...sigh...